


welcome to earth

by protectchatnoir



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, and peridot brings jasper home to live in the barn, and then they move into an apartment together and pretend to be humans, but lapis freaks out and is Not Okay with it, this is basically a What If Steven Had Successfully Healed Jasper fic, yeah this fic is a wild ride honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 11:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16263395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectchatnoir/pseuds/protectchatnoir
Summary: Peridot, Lapis and Jasper decide to move into an apartment together in order to get the... "full human experience".





	welcome to earth

"We should move in together." 

 

Lapis glanced up from her book, one eyebrow raised. "Peridot, we live together already." 

 

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed," Peridot shot back. "You know very well I didn't mean it like _that._ I mean... we should go and find somewhere to live! Someplace we can call home."

 

With a shrug, Lapis began reading again. "We can call the bathroom home. Steven says he doesn't mind." 

 

"Steven lied! If you don't want to come and start a new life with me, that's absolutely fine, Lazuli. I'll just ask Jasper instead."

 

Lapis dropped her book. "I'll do it. I'll move in with you, if that's what you really want, just don't bring-" 

 

"Great! That's great." Peridot opened the bathroom door and stuck her head out. "Jasper, she said yes! Lapis is going to start a new home with us!" she shouted.

 

Something like a cry of victory came from Jasper's spot on the couch. 

 

"Peridot. Are you _serious?_  I'm not moving in with _her!"_  Lapis hissed. 

 

"Well, Lapis, you know, we wouldn't _have_ to start a new home if you hadn't flown off with the barn..." 

 

" _Peridot!_ That is so unfair! I didn't mean to- I just- _how did you expect me to feel when you came home with Jasper?"_

 

Peridot shrugged. "I expected you to be mad, or scared, or upset, or confused, or all of the above. Probably the latter. I just didn't expect you to _unearth our home_  and yeet it halfway across the-" 

 

"Did... did you just say 'yeet'? Did you seriously just use the word 'yeet' as a verb? In a sentence?"

 

"-country. I'm just saying, dropping all of our stuff into the ocean - along with our actual _place of residence_  - was a really bad idea." 

 

Sighing, the blue gem closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. "It was an accident, Peridot. I'm sorry."   

 

"It's okay, I'm kind of over it," Peridot replied, getting to her feet and climbing out of her makeshift pillow fort in the bathtub. 

Okay, so gems didn't exactly _need_  to sleep, but it sure would be nice having a soft, comfy place to rest in their own home that doesn't drip water on you whenever you accidentally kick the tap. The thought was exciting; soon they'd be independent again. Only this time, Jasper would be right there with them, enjoying life on this cruddy hell-hole of a planet. 

Of course, Lapis would need a lot of time to adjust. Being around Jasper had been... _difficult_ for her over the past months. Ever since the three of them had moved in with Steven and the others, Lapis had mostly kept to herself, avoiding eye contact with the orange gem and drawing the shower curtain whenever she entered the bathroom. But things were getting better - Peridot was sure of that. In recent days, Lapis had seemed more comfortable around Jasper. Okay, they weren't exactly best friends, but there was a smile here and there, and even a little awkward small talk! Yeah, Lapis and Jasper were definitely bonding.

And what better way for them to bond even more than the three of them living in extremely close proximity to one another? 

 

The plan was flawless.

 

"Lapis. We can't live in this bathroom forever," Peridot stated sternly. "It's been four months.

If you would just cooperate a little, things could be good again! Okay, it's highly unlikely that we'll go back to how it was before. And I know the countryside was perfect, but maybe we could try to get the... full Earth experience, if you know what I mean. We can live in the city and get a dog and do all that cloddy human stuff." 

 

"A dog?" 

 

"We could name it after Pumpkin...?" 

 

Lapis smiled slightly. "That's... yeah, that would be nice. Okay, I guess I'll do it. But if she so much as _mentions_ Malachite, I'm leaving." 

 

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Peridot grinned. "Well, it's settled, then! The three of us are going to go and live in the city! I should probably go and pack our stuff. Oh, wait - we don't have any stuff! You dropped it in the sea."

 

"Peridot! I thought you said you were over that!"

 

"Oh, I am. It's just kind of funny. So, when are we leaving? Today? Tomorrow?"

 

"I don't know," Lapis sighed. "This was your idea, not mine."

 

Peridot clapped her hands. "Excellent! I'll make the arrangements." She left the bathroom and hurtled into the kitchen where Steven was making a sandwich. 

 

"Hey Steven! Your dad is still, like, super rich, right?" 

 

"Yep!" Steven replied. "Why? Is there something you need?" 

 

"Well, we - Jasper, Lapis and myself - have decided we're going to buy an apartment in the city. The only problem is, we don't have of your stupid Earth currency."

 

"And you want me to ask my dad to pay for your apartment?" 

 

"Wow, Steven, you catch on quickly. I'm very impressed!" 

Peridot narrowed her eyes. "Well...? Are you going to ask?"  

 

Steven shrugged. "Does it mean that I'll get my bathroom back?" 

 

"Absolutely."

 

"Consider it done!"

 

With a shout of joy, Peridot punched the air and ran towards Jasper who was still sitting on the sofa. "Did you hear that, Jasp?" Peridot cried, climbing up next to her and jumping up and down whilst laughing hysterically. 

 

"I literally wasn't listening," Jasper answered calmly, completely unphased by Peridot's chaotic jumping. She was engrossed in some magazine about fashion (or whatever it was that humans liked to spend so much time obsessing over), which Peridot grabbed and threw in the air. "Hey! I was reading-" 

 

_"Jasper!_  Lapis agreed to move in with us and Steven is going to get his dad to pay for our new home and _isn't this awesome?"_

 

"I'm as excited as you are, Peridot, but you should probably calm down before you-" 

A loud cracking sound came from somewhere within the sofa, and Peridot sunk down as the cushions became significantly less bouncy. 

 

"-break something." Jasper retrieved the now crumpled magazine from where it had landed on the floor and set it down on the coffee table. "I tried to warn you. Listen, I'm looking forward to moving into our new home as well. But it's not all fun and games, Peridot. We're going to have to think about the more practical things. Like getting jobs, and paying bills. If we want to be independent, we can't just ask Steven's father to cover all of our expenses." 

 

_"We're going to pay bills?_  Oh, this is so exciting! We're going to be just like humans!" 

 

"Peridot, you detest _ninety nine percent_  of humans." 

 

"Exactly! But _they_ don't know that!" 

Peridot cackled. "This is perfect. We're going to blend right in with their cloddy society and no one will suspect a thing!"

 

Jasper just shook her head. "If you say so. My point is, this has to be a well thought out and carefully calculated plan." 

 

"Nice! I guess we could move in tomorrow morning."

It wasn't as if they actually had any preparation to do. They didn't exactly have any possessions to pack - all they needed was for Greg to pay for their new home, and then they could move in straight away. 

 

"Whoa, wait, Peridot. Did you hear what I just said? We need to think this through." Jasper frowned. "We haven't even picked out an apartment yet. That seems to be a logical first step." 

 

Damn, she was right. 

"Hey, do you think _that apartment_  is still on the market?" Peridot asked, giving Jasper a knowing look.

 

"Which apartment?"

 

" _That one?"_

 

"Uh, which one?" 

 

_"Jasper!_  Are you saying you don't remember? We looked at it on my tablet last week and you said-" Peridot dropped her voice to imitate Jasper's- " _'this apartment is nice! Look, it has a balcony and a cool kitchen!'_  and I said 'you are absolutely right, Jasper! It's perfect for us!' and then we did the celebratory human hand slap!"

 

"My voice does _not_  sound like that."

 

Peridot groaned. "Jasper! That's not the point! _Do you or do you not remember the apartment?"_

 

"Yeah, I remember it. Why don't you go check if it's still available, and then I can sit here quietly and read this stupid magazine without any more of your _stupid interruptions?"_

 

"Okay! I'll be back in a minute."

 

Peridot went back into the bathroom to retrieve her tablet and check if the place they'd been looking at was still available. 

 

_It was._

 

Wow. They were really doing this.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @carwashkid!


End file.
